Thursday, 5 November 2009

Word Of Advice

What is a word of advice?
Is it something of a warning?
Or of how to live your life

Words act like guidelines of how to live ones life
But hold on where the hell was mine
As I fell disfuctionalised life
Falling between the lines
With the tick tock not quite right in the head
Meaning all conversations had to be had with me in a mediated state
Engaging with me in a dream like manor
Because all sense of reality was to scary for me
I had to be the king of my own realm
I know that I had heavy dreams
Of who I wanted myself to be when I stick on a CD
Pressing play screaming on my Mapex V5 clattering agressive beats
Trying to shake off mental issues
Of the tittle tattle name calling coming from my school
Dawning In me faking an illness
Taking in security of Dub Wars screams
Or Skunk Anansies wails
Genereating a sense of of fear and social parranoia that would domminate
Making me un easy in parties or gatherings
This made me scared of the outside world
Because learning issues made me confused

What is a word of advice?
Is it something of a warning?
Or of how to live your life

You see when the guidelines of life were being set
I dont think anyone could predict
What I am going to write about next
You see just after turning 20
I suddenly fell ill and so very deadly
Shivering and shaking like dialated alchoholic on the crave
What I am going to write about is the effective death of me
A rotten appendage and 6ft blunder
from the doctors putting me under
Causing me to fight for every breath
My liver nearly left and that would have been me snuffed out
Without any exspansive life experiences
The casualty of life began to crash down around me
Loosing 3 days in Coma like state
Due to a mis caclution on the anesthetics
Meaning that my muscles tensioned with the flash of light
Bighting onto the air tube
I very nearly drowned with my stumach split wide open
Awakening from my sleeping state to struggle
Coughing and hacking up blood to grasp breath
As my family stood on by with relieved looks stuck on their
As I had come back to conciousness
To spend Nightmarish days and nights
Having tormenting dreams split of psychotic realitys
As Morphine and 5 penicilins was slipping through my body

What is a word of advice?
Is it something of a warning?
Or of how to live your life

In the guide lines it is harsh to to have a brush with death
But I had a double slap in the face of life
When a dear friend passed away a mear couple of months after my final desperation
A black cloud flew down as he collapsed from and anyuerism in his head
Causing him to bleed out red and slumber comatosed till dead
Leaving behind a family lodging in my parents pride
That were soon to be sowered By the sounds of angry voices
Smashing plates that began to rattle against the walls
Because daddy had a soft spot for the young widow and the sweet little children
Because he saw was something he used to have
As life had become stale for Mum and Dad
So Mum being Mum exploded
And removed the widow and the Kids from their roofs and lodgings
causing what ever support to cappitulate into local hate

What is a word of advice?
Is it something of a warning?
Or of how to live your life

I suppose the message I am trying to get across
I s that just because my life is different
Does not mean it is any greener then another persons life
Its just that I have a different set of problems
Like having a love life that is non existant
Because sometimes I struggle with knowing how to be with other people
On what terms should I relate to others?
Especially with out drawing heads of steam
Because I find it frustrating and extremly alienating at times
Just wanting to say hello is almost like a mission impossible
Without me being dwarfed by this inflatable figure I hide behind
Maybe I have social and sexual frustrations that I take out on myself
Because drink and drugs dont fir with me
The whole house party scene serves to intimidate me
Which is frustrating when you see smiling faces
And you know you dont fit in

What is a word of advice?
Is it something of a warning?
Or of ho to live your life

Sometimes I still have nightmares
And people play me as crazy
Because I do not relate to people as easy as a simple as 1, 2, 3
Because of having these mental complexs
Playing me from behind this skin
As flash backs haunt this head
Hellucinations of the torchings coming back
Flashing instincts making me human
As conversations of a serious nature and emotional states
I could communicate was with the pen and paper
Leaving around lyrical notations
Of what I was playing up in my thoughts
And this would bring open conversations
Is that what you are feeling son is that waht you are really feeling?

What is a word of advice?
Is it something of a warning?
Or of how to live your life

I have learned from living in the countryside
Words can be the deadliest of weapons
As vocal desicrations have crossed my paths
As locals collapsed like a jigsaw puzzle
Picking up the pieces with an empty shell
Feeling like we have a hex to burn against my name!

2 comments:

  1. Hi, Jeff. You have a email para send you something?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I like this one, a lot. L x

    ReplyDelete

please let me know what you think of my work!